The last days of cancer are so hard...

Just this past November, my cousin, who was basically a brother to me, passed away from his 30 year battle with cancer. I say 30 year battle because, although he was actually fighting the cancer the entire time, he battled it by changing his lifestyle completely AND by making every single choice each day to save his life. Some might have thought that he was fine or "normal"... because, from the outside, you would have never known all that he had been through and how he had to be careful in everything he did to continue living. Doctors told him at 16, that he might have a few years at most. David defied the probability and lived until the age of 49, when he was diagnosed with a severe form of cancer that spreads like wildfire... anaplastic thyroid cancer. He fought a tough fight until the bitter end. Fortunately, or unfortunately, because we lived a country apart, I wasn't able to be by his side in his last days. But my other cousins/brothers shared with me, the agony of having watch him pass.
David never married or had children. I believe he knew his life would be shorter then average and he didn't want to leave a family of his own behind. Although, he did anyways, because he reunited with his high school sweetheart who was basically married to him in the end anyways.
I know how difficult it was to loose him, for my Aunt, for his brothers, for me, for his Love, Lynda, for our entire family and his friends. All of us faith filled and at peace, knowing where he was going and how much better off he was then we all were. Pain free, suffer less, joyful, eternal. But we all still suffer the loss of his physical presence and what that means in each one of our lives...
Just as we went through the loss of this incredibly special person in our lives, many others loose the same every second of every day. This PLAGUE, called CANCER is wiping out our human race! Now, more then ever people are dying from cancer, even though, now more then ever we have research, money and cures!!! I'm beyond saddened by what I call an epidemic! But, this is life, and this is what our reality is and we need to keep our chins up and heads bowed while we continue to lean on our faith in Jesus Christ.
As President of Charity for Charity, I have had the honor of entering the lives of several people. Sick people. People who have to struggle to live every day. People who are sick, who physically are challenged, whose every day life is doctors and hospitals. We fulfill wishes for these people through our organization. We try to make a difference in the lives of these individuals and families, whether its sending them on a dream vacation with their families, offering an experience to remember forever or what ever other fantasy moment we can offer... all to lighten the load, help them forget the pain for a while, create a lifelong memory for them or their families... something they can't do for themselves... something that makes them smile!
We have succeeded in this for the past 7 years. And I want to tell you, no one gets more joy, fulfillment or humbled then our CFC team and I.
Every year, we have the joy of fulfilling wishes for at least 2 incredible people. 1 child and 1 adult are highlighted at our big benefit in February called Stars of the Valley. This past February, we had the privilege of honoring 2 very special individuals and their families.
Our child beneficiary is a little boy named, Baden, a precious 8 year old fighting his second spout of Leukemia, captured our hearts immediately.
Our adult beneficiary, Darlene, has been Temecula resident for 20+ years. She is a wife and mother of 4, who was diagnosed with brain cancer just months before the event. Darlene happened to be a dear friend to many women in this valley, many of whom I am personal friends with as well. Her and her husband had been to our restaurants and their children went to the same elementary school as my boys.
At the Stars of the Valley event, attendees were moved by Darlene's husband, Scotts' bravery to approach the podium and utilize the opportunity to thank their family, friends and community for their support. He named people individually, who had gone above and beyond and who had made a mark on their lives forever.
It was Scotts' decision to wait until absolutely necessary, to tell their 4 children of the possible ultimate diagnosis of their mommys cancer. Unlimited trips to San Diego for doctors appointments and treatments including a trial treatment gave him, and everyone, hope for a recovery and cure. It wasn't until about a week ago, that the heartbreaking reality set in... her life was complete and Jesus was calling. It was time to let the children know. I'm sure we all can imagine what it might have felt like to each one of them, when they were struck with the news. Staying strong seems to be an understatement, although, I'm sure in their own individual time they have broke. I know when I got the message to feel free to stop by to say goodbye, I certainly did. I broke for many reasons. It's not that I'm a close friend or that I've known them for long... but it's amazing how quickly and closely these special beneficiaries let you into their lives.
We spend time getting to know them, what their background story is, what means the most to them, what is in their hearts... we have to come up with a wish fulfillment that really means something to them...
Not only do we get to know them, we get to know their families. We get to know some of them with out ever meeting them. We also get to know those closest to them, as they keep us filled in on their medical conditions and update us on anything we'd need to know to plan their wishes.
This is how I got to know Darlene and her family so well. This is why I broke when I heard that it was her last days. But it wasn't just that, it was also that so many women that I care about and love, love her. Friendship is a huge part of my life and means the world to me... I just couldn't imagine how they were feeling, facing the loss of their friend. Then of course, I thought of the children. I don't know many people who think of children who either face loosing or loose their parents and don't break down crying.
I struggled with whether or not to go over to say goodbye. I wasn't family, I wasn't a close friend... is that appropriate? The more I thought and prayed about it the more I realized... even if I'm feeling strange, God is telling me I need to go. Maybe it's not to say goodbye, but maybe it's to pay respect to the family. What ever it is... God wants me to go.
3 of us went the next day. We brought flowers and the DVD from Stars of the Valley. We were welcomed in and even sent upstairs to see her. It ended up meaning a lot to Scott and the kids. They were happy to see us and when we went up to see Darlene, although her eyes were closed, once Scott told her we were there, with all her effort, she opened them to see us. We shared about 10 to 15 minutes of precious, heart warming time with her and Scott. Him adoring her and tapping the tiny sponge with water on it to her beautiful lips, then wiping away the excess, telling her she's as breath taking as she was the day he met her... every moment cherished.
The time came for us to go... but there was a relationship yet to build on... their middle daughter, light in spirit, easily attached... asked me to stay, but when I couldn't, asked to go with me. I obliged with the blessing from Scott and the next 6 hours I had a new little friend! :)
Its divine how God works... offering moments of sharing between her and I. I could tell her desire to just be happy again in everything she said. The past 8-9 months have been life changing for their family and she had already lost her mommy as she knew her, for the cancer, doctors and hospital had taken her from them each day. Up until just days ago, she thought her mommy was getting better. What does it mean now that she knows she's not? It means... well... what does it mean to any of us? I think it's hard to know, until we know. And then, when we know, we don't feel it all at once... and then, when we feel it we get mad and then we get sad and then we are confused and then we can cry and remember. For sure, the time will come that this little girl will feel what it feels like to loose the closest person in her life. But until she has to, I think she doesn't want to. She yearns to get away, get out of the "sad house" full of people she knows and doesn't know. She seems to want to escape to a "happy place" as often as she can. But when she does sit with her mom, like I saw when we were in the room... she holds her hand, paints her nails and talks in her sweet and cheerful way. Offering her mommy, the little girl she has raised for the past 12 years.
I'm grateful for the connection God gave me to her. I don't have girls in my home on a regular basis, so once in a while, when she wants to escape... I'll enjoy having a little girl around! And hopefully, as time goes on and after her mommy has made her place in eternity, I can help be one of the many women figures in her life.
I learned something this day... I learned that even when things don't feel right or comfortable, but you feel God telling you to do it anyways... he has something in store for you and others that you don't even realize. It was a blessing that I went to Darlene's that Thursday afternoon, it was a blessing for the family, but most of all, it was a blessing for me. My life was enriched forever.